What my husband’s extra-marital affair taught me about love
By admin On 4 Sep, 2017 At 01:11 AM | Categorized As Metro | With 0 Comments

My husband and I had a very happy married life up until now or so I assumed. We were married from 15 years with three kids, one boy and two girls. He was so kind and patient with me in all respects. We gave each other space to do our own little things, but when we were together, I was full of bliss because I couldn’t have asked for a better spouse. He was the epitome of a caring husband who took our entire burden on himself. He even cared for his parents and my parents alike. I was also equally welcoming of his family, treating them like my own.
Of course, we would have our share of fights, mostly provoked by me since I had a short temper right from a young age. It was his stubbornness for doing something, which he thought was right and disrespecting my idea, which would rile me. I would give him silent treatment for couple of days following that, though I would be in emotional pain during that time. He suffered too, he couldn’t take my anger because it reminded him of his dad’s anger when he was a kid.

Dad never gave him any love, for reasons best known to him. His sister was always dad’s favourite and he was the victim of dad’s choicest abuses. Mom would always be a silent spectator, trying to console him after the deed. I knew my husband was being reminded of his unhappy childhood with my anger, but I had my ego stuck up. With time, I was getting a lot better with my sensitivities. I was trying hard to let go of my temper, but was never fully successful.

Though my husband was very patient with me, he was quite a martinet with our older son. Sometimes, he would remind me of his dad and I would caution him. Whatever our son does, the first word from my husband would be an emphatic “no” or a loud chide. With our daughters, he was always gentle, treating them like princesses. I was not too glad about the discriminatory attitude of my husband and would constantly remind him about the same.

Once when we returned from a family trip, my husband was fully dispirited, which alarmed me. I let it go since I thought it was the fatigue from the trip and the thought of going back to work in a couple of days. One night, when we were about to go to sleep, he told me in a subdued voice that he has been having an affair since the past two months. I was dumbstruck for a few minutes, almost numb. I simply said to him that it is fine if it has happened, we cannot do anything now. I was very disturbed the following day. He gave me the phone number of the woman’s husband and asked me to talk to him. I was shivering when I called him; my heart almost sank when I finished talking. The affair was mostly online, which also included phone calls. She used to work in his office years ago when he was a bachelor. The affair went on for almost 5 years and there were a lot of details in the email exchanges, which I received from her husband.
My husband tried to cover up the affair patching it up with one lie after another. The emails told the entire truth, all that transpired between them in the past few years. I felt like I was stabbed in the back. This was something which happens to celebrities and we read in the papers as scandals, it sure cannot be happening to me, a simpleton. I was totally demoralized. I did not know who my husband was after all. Was I so naive that I could not understand my husband was unhappy in the marriage that he had to go find someone else? All the memories of the last 5 years were right in front of me, and metaphorically speaking, his partner was with us on all the trips we went, whatever we did and even in our bedroom. He had shared all our little secrets with her, which I had closely guarded and even made fun of me around her.

It has been a month since I found this out and I am still writhing in pain as I write this. I keep wondering why this happened to me, my past karma or maybe as a reaction to all my collective anger in this lifetime. My husband is equally embarrassed and suffering in silence. He has been introspecting as to why this happened to him. Obviously, the abuse that he suffered as a kid set the perfect stage for this. The gun was loaded even before marriage and when we entered into wedlock, he expected a perfect partner and a perfect marriage, which was not to be. It was just like any other marriage where we would have our share of fights. I took it in my stride and was happy with what I had. He was not. The trigger went off when his friend from olden days contacted him and she wanted to have some fun too.

Now that we have figured out why all this happened to us, it is just a matter of time before we put it all behind us and move on. We are working towards it and I am sure it will be a second marriage of sorts for us with one big difference. It is going to be a stronger relation between us with lot of consideration for our kids because there is no doubt in my mind now that childhood shapes the mind of an adult.

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